Why I shouldn’t sleep as much
For years I have been told that I must sleep early at night. I don’t ever remember being able to sleep fully or early or peacefully. I was a restless sleeper, a reluctant sleeper, a sleepwalker and an avid dreamer. The joys of 8 hours of sleep always sounded like a vomit-coloured pill that I didn’t want to take to better myself. But off late- perhaps these are signs of ageing- I have found myself being envious of sound sleepers. I find myself increasingly needing those 8 hours of sleep to feel slightly awake for the 12 hours of work ahead of me. So I sleep. I sleep only a few hours after I reach home from work everyday. The results that I’d assumed would be miraculous and gratifying, aren’t nearly as amazing as everyone made it sound. I find myself, instead,waking up to guilt. Guilt for not having done that extra bit of work before going to bed. Guilt for not having finished that bottle of water like I used to, after dinner. Guilt for not having watched a whole film in weeks. Guilt for not finding time to read the book that haunts my dreams. Guilt for even not sleeping light or restless enough to be conscious of my dreams. So I sleep. I sleep fully, I sleep peacefully. I sleep early.
Why I shouldn’t sleep as much
To read the book I can’t seem to finish and then read ten more. To watch the films that I add to my list but never watch. To dream because without dreams I don’t seem to be able to imagine while I am awake. To write even, because writing needs the quietude, solitude and the romance of the night that the broadest brightest ray of sunlight refuses to inspire. To  work a little, because my work requires the creativity that a workspace- in all its charms- cannot provide. To have those midnight snacks, because my favourite biscuits seem to disappear and I believe elves steal my share at night. To send those mindless texts to ex-lovers, overly emotional ones to friends long gone, and highly inappropriate ones to those that cannot be. To cry, because a good cry- and I swear by this- gets rid of toxins and is akin to a great facial. To walk restlessly and explore my house at night, because it comes to life in new and frankly quite eerie ways in the dark. To even perhaps sleep fewer hours, because it makes sleep itself a thrill I can seldom indulge in.


2 thoughts on “SLEepwalkiNG ThrouGH CONsCIousness

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